CBris
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Ask not for whom the bell tolls...
Sad, but correct. With all this inactivity, even Old One-Eye must concede that there are bluer skies elsewhere. So long and thanks for all the...
...NUMBER 5!
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I think the end of September would be a great time to set up another fly-in for the EFFC ! :cool:
GaryGB
We might try another September perhaps?
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How did the show go, by the way?
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Of course you all know that Emma Field was named so because Mathijs Kok's daughter is called Emma.
"Holy passing years, Batman!" The real Emma is a grown up teenager now - while in the meantime our Emma is more like a fading dowager duchess waiting for the plastic surgeon's knife...
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Or as the bouncer says to anyone who tries to get into the disco in the wrong duds...
C'mon baby, right attire!
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Of course, we're all really paraphrasing that line from the song. I would bet you folks don't know the truth behind that line. It all started a little over a century ago, when One-Eye's northern English ancestors, farmers by trade, were discussing the merits of this new-fangled electrickery thing.
"Eeyup," says farmer David Jones, "how does thee like that new elecktrickery thing? Does it make thy work in t' cow shed any better?"
"Aye, much better," Says farmer John Brown, " 't milk maid can now see whether she's milking t' brown cows or t' black ones. I remember when thy maid, made her biggest mistake when she couldna see that she was milking your red bull"
"Eee, bah gum! I remember that," says Jones with a laugh, "aye, he sure gave her wings that day."
And with a sage nod, his friend, farmer Brown, makes that fateful recommendation:
"Come on Davey, light thy byre"
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I was going to reply with a plagiarism of my own again...
Was drilling and my slimy gloves could barely hold the astrolabe.
All grimy were those borrowed gloves yet high rates I'd paid.
But that would just be my funeral, weeellll...
...come on! Maybe light my pyre?
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What? Come on baby fight my lyre?
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My inspiration came from here:
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To Betsy and Emma
There's old One-Eye sitting idle to the north of Emma Field,
There's a little wooden cross that marks the spot,
Where his oldest best friend Limp, tends the wounds that never healed,
When the fates have let our favourite airfield rot.
They were known, One-Eye and Limp, by the gang at Emma Field,
Both were odder than the crew inclined to tell;
But for all their drinking pranks, they always said their thanks,
To uncle Elmer for the brew he used to... well...
He had flown there, all along, on a prayer and a song,
His Beaver Betsy hauled the crates of number five;
With Limp in the right hand seat, they'd 'void the rev'noo just a treat,
With the moonshine for our gang to stay alive.
It started, in years past, with old One-Eye mowing grass,
In his Eagle o'er the runway - upside down.
For the first time, engine failed and he landed on the grass,
Of the airstrip to the south of Lil'waup town.
Yes, yes, there's other rhyme, but off'cer Barbie's here this time.
'Sides, old One-Eye's never landed on his arse;
He may gather leaves and twigs and things, in his ail'rons and his wings
But crash? He'd sigh and tell you "Please don't ask."
One day, before the dawn, her panels buckled... torn,
But the cargo safe, not dripping number five;
Flew Betsy through the trees, like a ship on tossing seas
On a whisper of a prayer and a rattling gearbox drive.
Betsy Beaver braved the storm of the rev'nue in best form,
Though the news said Emma Field would not go on.
Uncle Elmer nearby stood, fueling the still with yet more wood
For the famous bubbling brew shall ne'er be gone.
His darling Betsy always flew in the way that Beavers do,
And was loved by all the crew at Emma Field;
But when Emma was disbanded by a fate so fickle handed,
Dear Betsy felt the pain of wounds that never healed.
Old One-Eye lit the pyre, Limp threw on another tyre.
Fritz and Elmer, Barbie, Wabbit and the duck,
The whole crew had all drawn near for to shed a salty tear,
And to wish dear Betsy fare thee well and best of luck.
She'd passed on broken hearted by a field now long departed,
All that's left is barren earth and pot of ash;
Twas not the skies that killed her, but a scenery developer,
With visions only of the profit and the cash.
There's old One-Eye sitting idle to the north of Emma Field,
There's a little wooden cross that marks the spot,
Where his oldest best friend Limp, tends the wounds that never healed,
When the fates have let our favourite airfield rot.
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Well, it's so good, you forget it's there
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Yolu get something called "Malz Bier" here in Germany too - malt beer - it's one of these drinks no one admits to liking, but everyone knows what it tastes like. A bit like Doc Peppers perhaps? Or root beer...
Wierd thingh is though, I discovered Doc Peppers and Root Beer on my business trips to America and I like them. Is that coming out or what?
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Bought, installed and impressed.
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Oh... by the way, One-Ey has discovered an old beat-up Wilga to play with. The fact that the dash is covered in Russian hieroglphyc... hairygilphy... herogoophy... oh shoot! Ilya Kuryakillic script stuff! Well, whatever it is, it lokks like it was writ under the affluence if incohol. Who cares... as long as the pointers don't point at red bits and the donkey sounds right... and rumour has it that a German stable is seriously considering rebuilding a Beaver...
...well, the bush is looking attractive again.
Did I really just write that?
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What a load of Bols!
Oi! One-Eye!!! Wake up! Wabbit is getting fwisky!
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Nicely posted Zoolander! I may link this to a few other threads to spread the news. After all - that accu-feel looks like a whole new breed of animal!
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Although I have seen that someone has put something Emma-like in the Avsim libraries?
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Hey Tim,
We've suffered grievously here at the hands of fickle interests and many of us are still reeling years down the line. I've been out of things for a couple of years due to injury, but I still drop by to see the gang. We need motivation! But it's great to see you enjoying your life! That looks like one heck of a lot of fun!
I recently did a sim (ilar) hanglider flight using cumulus X over Misty Moorings terrain - it was great fun to hang on the updraughts... Maybe Francois is still active? I'll drop him a line... unless he drops by here first.
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Thanks Ian.
The Airbus A380 is larger than the Boeing in all directions and can carry over 800 passengers. I could place a couple of links for you, but if you just visit Airbus.com and Boeing.com
But as this request is coming from China, I know that you have difficulties... I shan't be like that. Here:
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(or how a handful of glacier researchers are helping to produce the world famous "Uncle Elmer's #5 vintage")
Preamble:
The Ming Emperor Lord High Muck-a-Muck Bilga Tess of Red Monde had decreed a new plan for the world of flight simulation and all FBOs had forthwith to comply with the new formulae that were called Eff Ess Ecks. A proclamation was posted for all to read:
***********************************************
PUBLIC NOTICE
By order of His Royal DOSness, the Ming Emperor Lord High Muck-a-Muck Bilga Tess:
Be it known by all!
In this the year 35 AD (Anno DOS) and in the month of Octember, all territorial rights previously granted to FBO, aircraft manufacturers, cartographers and claim stakers have been declared null and void.
All territorial rights and air rights to an altitude of 1,000,000 (one million) feet above Ming sovereign territories shall henceforth be redistributed to highest bidders at Imperial auction. New territories, aircraft, buildings, bridges, other static and mobile objects, whether controlled or AI shall now comply with the conventions listed at the appendix to this proclamation.
In addition, new commandments have been proclaimed to ensure that all Ming subjects live in harmony in my new world. These are as follows:
1. Thou shalt worship no DOS but the one DOS and Emmess shall be his name.
2. Suffer not those who make craven idols for those who make cravens idle are an anathema to me. Nor shalt thou maketh thy processor idle with other dos for my source code is holy. Blessed are the piece takers, for they have taken the piece out of the forbidden fruit.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy DOS in vain lest I smite thy PC with file errors, blue screens and other devious and cunning devices of my whim.
4. On six days shalt thou labour. On the seventh thou shalt defrag thy drives, carry out full system scans, delete old files and download all updates and install them. Unbelievers shall be punished by the use of 28k analogue connections.
5. Honour thy Bios and thy motherboard
6. Thou shalt not delete payware add-ons.
7. Thou shalt not peel bananas in a lascivious manner.
8. Thou shalt not use unregistered add-ons. For lo, I shall see thy deeds from afar and bestow upon thee a plague of viruses and wipe thy discs.
9. Thou shalt not falsify thy flight logs by leaving the thy sim unpaused whilst thou maketh the tea and have supper. Thy flight log shall record only time at the desk.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s PC nor his hobby budget but shall be happy with thine own rig. If you have stutters and slide shows, then livest thou beyond thy means – move the sliders leftwise!
Addendum!
11. Thou shalt not populate thy sim with pagan add-ons. save that they can be converted to my will.
Signed by my royal seal (Barents Grey)
Ming! Emperor Lord High Muck-a-Muck Bilga Tess the Thirst!
[The passing breeze wafts the leaflet closer to the beholder’s eye and a spidery scrawl can now be seen in the bottom margin]:
“I do rather like number 7, neat touch, don’t you think?” BG
***********************************************
Enter One-Eye...
(That little episode was the final straw that started the fall of one of the flightsim world's most loved daughters of an addon's developer - Emma Kok, daughter of Lago's and Aerosoft's Mathijs Kok is the name-giver of "Emma Field", arguably one of the most popular addons to Microsoft's Flight Simulator in the past ten years.)
One-Eye looked down on the overgrown ruins of KEWL and sighed. "Didn't take long for the weeds to grow over the field then... Oh well, come on Betsy, time to find a new home." He teased the prop and mixture levers and pointed Betsy Beaver northwards, ish, to find a new home. He'd just taken a final fill at Hood City after having flown down from Pleasant Valley on the other side of the Olympic National
Park. Snowman Phil and Bill Dick's home valley had also suffered the same fate as Kewl, although they'd struggled for a year or so to stay compliant with Bilga Tess's new world rules. In the end Pleasant Valley suffered under heavy 'Acceleration' and crumbled into incompatibility the same way other FBOs had, especially KEWL.
"Where do you guys want to get off?" One-Eye asked his passengers
Limp was quick enough to answer, "I'll stay along for the ride thanks. Maybe We can find some good shaws hunting there, wherevers..."
Uncle Elmer started into wakefulness as One-Eye hit a pothole in the clouds, "What's shaws?"
That cheered all the passengers.... "Why thank you Uncle, well have #5 all round!"; "I'll have a pint of Creme de Menthe, if you don't mind - we got any left, One-Eye?" That last from Limp.
"Yerst... I think I packed some in the life jacket bag under Gary's seat."
(expletive deleted)
"What you worrying about, I gave you a parachute didn't I?"
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"What do you mean you thought it was waste rag for cleaning the clubhouse?"
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"Oh, right... OK, fasten your seatbelts then Gary."
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"You'll need a five-eigths socket and a ratchet to fix the reels to the anchor points. You did bring the toolbox didn't you?"
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"I removed them to make room to stash a last couple of barrels of Elmer's #5."
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"I paid you Elmer, and you gave me the recipe, so I promise you your fair share of all sales - and free supplies once I set your still up again and until I can get you a new cabin built."
Limp passed over One-Eye's full glass. "Here you go squire, makes a change for that old trick to work for me - thanks for letting me use it."
One-Eye eyed his trusted friend and butt of all his japes, "Limp, you deserved it. You did remember the shaving buoy, didn't you?"
"What shaving buoy?" replied Limp
Why bless you, I do think I'll have another #5, thanksh."
!!!!
"Aww don't worry Officer Barbie, I know all about the 'eight hours bottle to throttle' rules. I promise I won't touch the throttle for at least eight hours. That OK with you guys?"
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"Hey, not so loud guys, Fritz is still fast asleep..." One-Eye looked round, "No make that slow asleep; that last quart was enough to keep even a rhino quiet. Perhaps we should have stashe some #5 at the Kwa Zulu ranger station before we transported that sick rhino in Bill's Dakota...? Talking of Rhinocerosses, did you guys know that they are the richest animals on the planet?"
!*!*
"Clouds? So what, they won't hurt us."
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"Yes Wabbit, I know the terrain here tops over 6000."
!!!
"Oh, that... The Altimeter needle jams against that lifting stickky tape I used to to repair the marking at 2000 feet and it hasn't risen above 2000 feet for the last year, nothing to worry about."
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"In the bag marked 'life raft' under Fritz's seat.... Oh... Sorry, those anglers used up the last barf bags when I flew them to Lake Quinault... No, Daffy, you do not use Fritz's Hoody! Just you all use the raft bag - it's big enough..."
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"Yes, I know there's a big round cheese in there... Oi, Horace, get back in your seat!"
Horace was a breed of cheese apart, hide like a Gorgonzola, heart like a Camembert. Stiffly, he crawled out of his hiding spot and clambered into the jump-seat, humming all the while.
"Phwoar! You don't 'arf 'um badly!" said Limp as horace left a trail of sheepish footprints over his knees...
One-Eye picked up on that, "If you think he hums badly, you should hear him whistle!" A deathly silence hung over the passengers for a while...
*'@%&
"Oh... so the needle's now showing 1800. No worries, we'll be crossing into Canucky airspace near Victoria in about ten moments or so."
.....
"It's been at 1800 for the last ten minutes you say? And we didn't hit anything cumulo granitus? You think I'm suicidal? Naah - I just fly by feel. I'll feel it soon enough when we hit something hard, no worries. Besides, we're flying below the tree line, so we won't hit anything really hard. The tree tops will warn me that we're getting too low..."
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"Yes, now you know why I rarely fly above the treeline."
(There follows a noise that reminds the reader of a famous helicopter model...)
"Oh, use the seat cushion covers - they'll rinse out..."
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"I promised you Barbie, I won't touch the throttle for at least..." One-Eye looked at his watch, "another seven hours or so."
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"That was tea in that flask."
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"Sweetened? Of course it was! I like my tea sweet."
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"Well... it's cane sugar in liquid form, isnit?"
!!!
"It's only a coastguard cutter - danged excise! They are always after my money. I told you I wouldn't touch the throttle... I promised."
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"I'll pull it out of the wing and send it back priority. How much do you think postage will cost for an aerial that size?"
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"Betsy's flown through worse. She's a tough old gal, really she is. I remember the guy I bought her off. Brit guy, Joe, worked in Lebanon at the time. Was on contract to those forces jumpers over in Cyprus on the Kingsfield strip in the mid 70s..."
§$%§$
"Oh, she's much older than that! If only I could scrape the ID plate clean... I think the serial number is a single digit... anyway, this guy who flew her under the Lebanese registration really wanted to know how 'STOL'she really was and was doing bumpandgos around Kingsfield one day. He told me she didn't half stop quick, but was then sluggish on the go-arounds. It was one of the Army guys who told me the truth - Apparently Joe used the threshold zebra crossing as his touch down point. He obviously forgot about the zero underrun and the road on the threshold. Took some concerted effort to appease that Greek chappie who wanted reimbursment for the load of melons and his roof rack that were jammed in the tailwheel..."
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"Oh, I think the pieces all fell out in the end. She lands alright, doesn't she?"
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"C of A? Isn't that a chain of shops that sell clothes?"
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"Every year? You're kidding, right?"
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"Awwww, c'mon guys, when did I last crash?"
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"I mean in Betsy!"
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"That doesn't count! I fixed that with two feet of baling wire."
#########################################
We'll leave One-Eye and the intrepid Kewl Crew here, shall we? There was a considerable amount of hot air being generated on that flight... Yes, it was enough to keep Betsy aloft and deliver the Kewl Crew safely to an undisclosed beach somewhere on Vancouver Island while One-Eye and Limp flew off into the sunset in search of a new base of operations for the now silent #5 still. It hadn't been working now for a few weeks, in fact you could have called it a still still. And if you had, then now it'd still be a still still if One-Eye hadn't discovered the perfect place to sit still for long enough to set up Uncle Elmer's still again.
It was purely by accident, that One-Eye found the place. He'd been flying along at 2000 feet (ish) following some valleys on a westerly bearing with the sun setting off to his left somewhere, when he noticed he was over a glacier.
"Odd," he remarked to Limp, "according to my map we should be near Sitka..."
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"Oh damn! I forgot that we didn't have enough baling wire for that repair... so that's where you got the extra wire then?" Oh well, If you'da said, I'd have used my orienteering compass. Never mind, let's see if we can find anyone around here..."
On that, One-Eye hung a left and spotted a pair of fires down on the Glacier ahead and two lines of bright red traffic cones in the snow. At the other end was a collection of shacks and a small hangar near one of those windmill generators. There was only one thing for it - land here. Besides, Betsy chose just that moment to decide she was empty and left our intrepid old and bold aviator no choice but to land. One-Eye checked his instruments...
"Hmmm, nothing but 'Smiths'..."
It was another good landing. He walked away from Betsy and looked at the place where she'd come to a standstill.
"Hey One-Eye, I like the way you missed that wrecked Cub at the end of the runway." said Limp, "and bouncing us over that Piste tractor
was another good move..." Limp was easy to impress like that.
Their current location was just behind some huge boulders that the Glacier must have deposited millenia ago. They were completely out of sight of that collection of huts just a bit down the glacier. It turned out that this location was home to half a dozen or so researchers who were watching the glacial flow. "A bit like watching paint dry, only slower." One-Eye remarked later, "these guys could use our help in getting supplies up here. Let's see if we can scratch some backs..."
...and that is how One-Eye discovered the perfect location for Unce Elmer's no longer still still. He's still up there to this day, tending the still and stilling his thirst. By sheer luck, he also discovered that "Gletcherwasser" was the perfect water to use for #5 - every brew was already vintage as soon as it came out of the tap. Three thousand year old meltwater made all the difference.
Maybe if you come a visitin' some time and don't stand on the brakes at the end of the runway, you'll roll on past the pistie beastie and the Skycrane helipad. If you do, just let yourself roll past that line of rocks and drop in at One-Eye's place for a drop and a wag...
Abyssinia soon. And don't forget your chores...
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:D :D :D
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Ever since he buried Emma up near his shack on the glacier, old One-Eye has been refining the good stuff. Having borrowed the recipe off of Uncle Elmer (he had just tried one of Limp's favourite tipples - the pint of Créme de Menthe loosened his grip on the recipe) he had spent a couple of years in seclusion looking for the right stuff. After many long minutes of searching, One-Eye discovered a glacier research station somewhere in the mists above the fjords, in a secret valley he called la-di-da. It had been an eventful flight in "GROT", his trusty spare ride
As for that little shack up the glacier, hidden behind those large rocks... weeelll, old One-Eye is in to a bit of home brew since he had to bury "Emma". The grave is still there, waiting for the exhumation and resurrection of our favourite little airfield. If you look closely, you will see old One-Eye himself, checking the fire under his latest brew of #5 special. He borrowed the recipe from Uncle Elmer and made a small change. You probably didn't realise it, but glacier water is sooo much better for the brewin' and a stillin' of the good stuff.
Occasionally, Limp will buzz up from Kitchy kootchie koo and see how One-Eye is faring. Nine times out of nine, One-Eye will be standing by the still, still keeping an eye on the fire. At the moment, his log pile is dwindling, so next time around, Limp will need to get some of the crowd to help ferry some more fuel up top using a Skycrane.
It's been a tough old time without Emma, but One-Eye is sure she'll be back. Often he leaves the fire burning through the night even, so that officer Barbie can ferry friends up for a late night dram. Last time she flew up, she could see his fire burning beyond the research station. Of course, at ground level, those geeky guys, with their feel for snow can't see what old One-Eye is up to, but if'n they ever fancy, they are sure welcome to hike that extra mile for something to sweeten their tea.
One-Eye and Limp will soon be opening up shop, so if you ever feel the need for a drop of #5 special, then rest assured, he's working hard for you!
Cheers!
Flip on (the lights, momentarily)
in Emma Field Flying Club
Posted
ROFL! Excellent!